TGD Ponders Whether We Can Live in a World Without Tyrese in “Fast and Furious” (Answer: Yes)

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Tough macho badass Tyrese in between seeing how many “likes” he got on his last Instagram post.

Kevin: Concerned citizens across the world had a number of questions yesterday following news that the character of Roman Pearce may no longer be a part of the “Fast and Furious” franchise, the main one being: “Wait, which one was Roman again?” Either way, a Roman-less future is one we may have to accept, as Tyrese Gibson has taken a recent beef with Dwayne Johnson to the one place that all true tough guys settle their differences: Instagram!

That’s right, Tyrese has channeled the dramatic pre-teen girl who apparently lives inside him and shared his thoughts from his online slam book this week in reaction to news that a planned spin-off starring The Rock is delaying the release of the 9th(!) “F&F” movie by a whole entire year:

Hello world………. hello loyal fans and loved ones from OUR fast universe…….. I’m sorry to announce that if Dewayne is in Fast9 there will no more Roman Peirce – You mess with family and my daughters survival I mess with yours……… close your eyes dude you’re a “Clown”…… #CandyAssBitchMade All my real one…. Men on integrity… my real ones out here stand UP…… folks that GP to the gym and get big naturally#NoJuice #NoOJ spin off huh? Spin off these nuts selfish champ…… pause notice who’s got his arms around my shoulder and who’s standing alone –#OurChildrenMatter

Before I go into the potential ramifications for both the “F&F” world and the state of the world in general if Tyrese follows through on his threat to ditch the franchise, there are a few things I wanted to note about his post:

– Apparently Tyrese is not only unable to spell “Dwayne” correctly, he also doesn’t know how to spell the name of the character he has played for five movies now.

– He refers to the “F&F” franchise as “OUR” universe. Wait, isn’t Tyrese in only one more movie than The Rock, and the one that literally no one else from the franchise wanted to be in (other than Thom Barry as fan-favorite Agent Bilkins of course)?

COLD CASE

The true MVP of this series in my book!

– Has Tyrese not considered the idea that without The Rock giving the franchise a boost by appearing in “Fast Five” that we wouldn’t even have a 9th movie in the franchise to argue about in 2017?

– He refers to The Rock as messing with his daughter’s “survival.” Holy shit, are Tyrese’s finances that bad that his daughter may starve to death if he has to wait a full fiscal year to get paid for another sequel? A three-year wait is actually pretty common for sequels, and for something like the “Mission: Impossible” series there’s usually a 4- or 5-year gap in between films, but I haven’t noticed Ving Rhames burying any daughters because of that. Also, forgoing a guaranteed payday rather than waiting a little longer for it doesn’t seem like the best solution if you have money problems, but hey, I’m not the crazy ex-rapper.

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Put the spear gun down slowly and back away Tyrese!

– Somehow I’m guessing that his seemingly years-long lobbying to be the new Green Lantern has not paid off, because if he had the inside track on another big franchise I doubt he’d be this concerned with “family” and “loyalty” (does Tyrese not remember he works in Hollywood?).

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Ha ha ha ha, yeah I needed a good laugh! (Image courtesy of Screen Rant)

Now while Tyrese’s above post was obviously as straightforward and eloquent as you would expect for something that contained the hashtag #CandyAssBitchMade (when is #TimeToGeostorm gonna become a thing!), apparently he followed up by explaining that his anger over the delay of the next sequel is due to the importance of the “F&F” franchise in countering racism and reminding us that we are all one race. Oh and also cause he’s broke.

He additionally has made it clear that he sides with Vin Diesel in his own feud with The Rock a few years back, which of course was mainly waged through social media. I’m sorry, is it possible to take these dudes seriously as badasses ever again knowing that as soon as they get done battling on the set, they immediately run to their phones to battle on Instagram? (Btw, I assume The Rock’s password is something like “Hobbs69!” and Tyrese’s is like “GreenLanternCorpsForever69!”)

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Wonder what Brett Ratner has on his phone?

Either way, if we have truly seen the last of Roman Pearce, or “Peirce” as Tyrese would say, let’s not forgot what he contributed to the “Fast and Furious” universe. Actually it’s impossible for me to forget since I’m still not sure what that was to begin with. We were introduced to Roman in “2 Fast 2 Furious,” when Brian recruits his old childhood friend to take down an Argentinian drug lord – who based on that description is of course played by Cole Hauser – even though Roman hates Brian with the kind of white hot intensity only a scorned lover could feel.

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As Mike pointed out in our review, other than his pronounced jealousy any time Brian looks at a female, Roman is mainly noteworthy for arriving in Miami and immediately knowing how to navigate the city at 100 mph, for being able to have conversations with Brian while they are racing in separate cars with the windows rolled up, and for pulling out a gun that must have been hidden up his ass for two days since that’s the only way he could have gotten it past the cops.

Then after taking a couple of movies off, Roman returned in “Fast Five” after being recruited by Brian to join the crew because they needed “a fast-talker, the kind who can talk their way out of anything.” Except this was a character trait that Roman never exhibited in “2 Fast,” and one that he wouldn’t even really demonstrate in the rest of the series. I remember in “Fast Five” he sort of distracts a guard by comically bumbling around with a package or something, but that’s hardly what I call “talking his way” out of something.

(Of course it was easy to overlook this kind of character inconsistency since Tej (Ludacris) went from being an Afro-sporting race organizer/auto mechanic in “2 Fast” to now being one of the world’s best computer hackers, as well as, in later movies, an expert in “vehicular warfare” in Afghanistan and Russian submarines.)

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Actual quote from Ludacris in “Furious 6”: “Ah damn, that mobility unit’s the truth!”

One thing that Roman and Tyrese both seem to share is a propensity for extreme emotional reactions, as in “Fast Five” when Roman tells the rest of the crew, “I got love for all ya’ll,” even though he just met most of them and the only one he really knows well is Brian. Then at the beginning of “Furious 6,” newly minted millionaire Roman orders his private plane full of hot models to turn around when he hears that Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) is still alive, except he never knew Letty so why does he give a shit?

As the series went on it became harder and harder to figure out what Roman brought to the team other than constantly telling them why they shouldn’t do whatever they were about to do, as well as being comically scared during all their heists and/or stating the obvious like “Yo they got a submarine ya’ll” as if that by itself was inherently funny. CJ as the only one of the Squad who completed the full eight-movie “Fast and Furious” gauntlet last spring, did Roman finally step up in “Fate of the Furious” and justify my tax dollars being spent to constantly bring him on to world-saving missions just so he can go “Aww hell nah!”?

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Not sure if he’s about to say “Shit’s about to get real!” here, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

CJ: I honestly don’t remember what Roman did in “Fa8e,” as I like to call it, but I do remember a lot of screaming and hilarious quips that everyone in the theater except for me was laughing at. Maybe I’m no longer funny? Either way I’m torn on this feud, as I love both The Rock and the “Fast” franchise, so I need Roman in all my furiousness. Then again, if he can’t do “Fast 9” (which I think should now be called “Fas9,” or “9ast”), that DOES make him available for any future “Transformers” movies. So actually, I win either way. Yes!

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The greatest director-actor pairing in cinema history.

Kevin: Well looking at his imdb page, Tyrese doesn’t seem to have a lot on his plate coming up, so yeah maybe he can work his way back into the “Transformers” franchise. Oh wait, I forgot that based on the box office for the last one we may not be getting another sequel, so yeah Tyrese, get it together and hold on to your last remaining franchise as long as you can! But no matter what happens, thanks for everything you brought to the “Fast and Furious” films, whatever the hell that was.

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For a look back at Roman and all your other favorite characters from the Furyverse, check out our previous recaps of the entire series:

“The Fast and the Furious”

“2 Fast 2 Furious”

“The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift”

“Fast & Furious”

“Fast Five”

“Furious 6”

“Furious 7” and “Fate of the Furious”

What We’ve Learned from “The Fast and Furious” Movies

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