Final (Maybe?) Trailer for Gerard Butler’s “Geostorm” Reminds Us We’re Getting a Gerard Butler Movie Called “Geostorm”

GEOSTORM

The actor who gets to say “It’s a geostorm!,” probably the highest honor the film industry could bestow this year. 

Kevin: With the release of “Geostorm” only a few blessed weeks away, Warner Brothers has released the third and presumably final trailer for the Gerard Butler disaster flick. Hey CJ, remember when movies had one or maybe two trailers at most? If it was a big event film it might get a short teaser a year or less in advance, like the first trailer for “The Fifth Element,” which was just the reveal of a giant floating “5” in space, and whose dramatic and somber mood was 180 degrees away from the goofy fun the movie turned to be (I remember seeing this trailer in the theater and a guy behind me sarcastically saying, “Wow, a 5.”)

Then there would be a longer trailer a few months out from release, and that was it. Now we’re at the point where Paramount attached a trailer for “mother!” in front of “It” basically saying, “In one week, in this theater, ‘mother!’ will fuck your shit up!” (Actually it should have been more like, “In a little after a week, you’ll hear from one of the few people we conned into seeing this movie opening weekend about what a tedious and pretentious piece of shit it is!”)

Also remember when they released so many trailers for one of the Andrew Garfield Spider-Man movies that someone combined all the footage into one 25-minute short movie that pretty much hit every beat of the final flick? Actually forget that, remember the Andrew Garfield Spider-Man movies, period? The only thing I looked forward to in a potential third film was seeing which member of Gwen Stacy’s family they were going to kill next. I feel like Sony should just combine them into one film and release it on DVD as “Spider-Man: Nevermind.”

It has to suck when you are part of a film that is supposed to set up like 5 sequels, and then when they announce the next one (as with the newest James Cameron-produced “Terminator”) everyone has to go out of their way to say, “So that last one where we talked for a year about how great it was gonna be and how it would take the series in a cool new direction. Yeah instead we’re gonna pretend it never existed (unless it had done better in China).” Someone should have told Ridley Scott this was an option when he was prepping his follow-up to “Prometheus.”

Oh yeah, back to “Geostorm.” Obviously a movie like this is gonna be less escapist fun in light of recent world events (by which I mean Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy). But at least we are given a hero played by Gerard Butler whose goal is to save the planet, which will be a nice change of pace after I just sat through “San Andreas” a couple of weeks ago. Gerard could just save a cat out of a tree and he still would have done more than The Rock in that film.

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Now while the original teaser mainly showed off the big budget disaster shots, and the last trailer gave us a better idea of the plot, like most third trailers this one doesn’t contain much more new footage. Which once again is why I don’t understand the point of these things; was someone still on the fence about seeing “Geostorm,” but now that he’s seen a couple of additional reaction shots he’s all in?

GEOSTORM

We do get a few slightly longer peeks at some of the previously shown destruction, including the toppling of several buildings in a row that I’m guessing were part of the unfortunately named “Dominoes Row” complex. We also discover President Andy Garcia’s political affiliation, as after we see him say “We can control the weather,” we cut to a shot of him at the Democratic National Convention.

The movie tries to make it appear as though this happens at the same time, even though clearly they are from two different scenes. Which is good because, as I said in our post on the last trailer, vowing to control the weather is quite a bold pledge to stake your re-election on; I’m assuming his advisers would tell him to just stick to the usual “breaking boundaries, building bridges” pabulum.

Either way, since it’s usually not pertinent to the story I’m always curious about the motivations for identifying a particular political party or actual president in these kinds of movies. The “Day After Tomorrow” (helmed by Roland Emmerich, “Geostorm” director Dean Devlin’s former producing partner) had a pretty obvious Dick Cheney stand-in practically wipe his ass with any scientific report put in front of him, while the wimpy bureaucrats who kept getting in Optimus Prime’s way in the “Transformers” films were explicitly working in the Obama administration.

Meanwhile, in my roundup of North Korean aggression at the movies (including Butler’s own hit “Olympus Has Fallen”), I noted that the “Red Dawn” remake had the takeover of America by foreign forces occur on Obama’s watch as well. If I’m Obama I’d start to wonder if I was really as popular in Hollywood as I thought.

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Thanks Obama!

Who knows what significance, if any, Garcia’s character being a Democrat has regarding the message of this movie. Perhaps the Republican actor is inserting a bit of commentary about a liberal politician’s do-gooder activism almost destroying the world, but from what we’ve seen in the previews the president appears to be one of the good guys. Meanwhile I think we all kind of assume that the mysterious villain who hacked into the satellite is gonna be Ed Harris, and since Harris kinda resembles Dick Cheney, make of that what you will.

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Either way, if we are finding such subtle and nuanced commentary and themes in just the trailers, imagine the riches that await us when “Geostorm” finally arrives on Oct. 20. Unless we end up having to analyze a fourth trailer that drops like five minutes before its release.

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CJ: (screams and faints like a 14-year-old at a boy band concert)

Between “Geostorm,” “American Made,” and the home video release of 2017 Best Picture Winner of “Transformers: The Last Knight,” the next few weeks are going to be pretty, pretty good for ol’ CJ.

I saw a short article on Collider about “Geostorm” earlier, and the author seemed to not be on board with this picture. This was noticeable when he wrote, “you already lost me at ‘Gerard Butler stars as Jake, a scientist’.” Well hey asshole, you’re clearly not paying attention, because he is not just A scientist, he is THE scientist who is capable of saving us all. That is a noted difference in scientist archetypes. Gerry will march into the Pentagon, where he will be inundated with numbers and beep-booping computers. He’ll brush that shit aside, throw a bottle of Jack Daniels on the science table and go, “The only science I need is right here!” (he will point to his crotch).

the-ugly-truth_bEI07S

At that point he will take a couple swigs, backhand a few lower-level scientists, then figure out that the best way to save the world will be to commandeer some kind of gun-heavy catamaran and then take down whichever bad guy has screwed up the Geostorm program that is probably code-named something like Orion 19. After that, Gerry will bring the ruckus to the ladies.

THE BOUNTY

But that’s not the biggest sin committed by this writer. Here is how he starts the article: “I’m going to give Warner Bros. the benefit of the doubt on this one. They probably didn’t think that the release date for “Geostorm,” a special effects bonanza about an artificially generated worldwide natural disaster, would be following on the heels of three devastating hurricanes in the U.S., earthquakes in Mexico, and other natural disasters around the world.”

I’ll just note that “Geostorm” started filming in late 2014. Or, more to the point, not a month ago. So yeah genius, they probably weren’t predicting a series of catastrophic weather disasters that would cause untold destruction and the displacement of thousands a few years in advance. And if they did, I like how this writer’s assumption is that they went “We need to make a movie about a guy who could have saved them in real life! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!”

Anyways, I’m hoping the Alamo Drafthouse hosts some kind of theme for “Geostorm.” Although I’m guessing the theme will just be “Kevin and CJ showed up for ‘Geostorm’.”

geostorm_iTSTke

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