TGD Hopes Fellow Tough Guy Mike’s Upcoming Nuptials are Full of Love and Free of “Dynasty”-Style Bloodshed

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Kevin: Although Tough Guy Digest has been around for less than a year, its origin can actually be traced back several years ago to a modest Upper East Side studio apartment, where Mike, Anthony, CJ, and myself would gather every couple of months and spend a Saturday reliving our favorite ‘80s and ‘90s action movies while getting royally shitfaced. Whether it was “The Last Boy Scout,” “Marked for Death,” “Road House,” “Tango & Cash,” or even the Clint Eastwood/Charlie Sheen masterpiece “The Rookie,” we always found new things to appreciate or laugh about (I think it took us about 5 hours to get through “Action Jackson” due to all the pausing and rewinding we did), even if the usual second beer run made the ability to articulate our thoughts harder than Ivan Drago’s punches.

I eventually moved back to Austin from New York, followed by CJ a couple of years later, and while we decided to take the spirit of our gatherings online, fortunately the crew will be back together this weekend to celebrate Mike’s wedding. I’m sure we’ll have very important discussions about what movies to cover in the next few months (I’m pushing “Beverly Hills Cop III” hard), but in the meantime as someone who has been in Mike’s shoes and felt the stress of making sure the event came off without a hitch, I’ll just reassure him that as long as his guests are not massacred by Moldavian terrorists – as happened to the Carringtons in the ‘80s staple “Dynasty” – he can consider this wedding a success:

Anybody have any other words of encouragement for the groom?

Anthony: Yeah so apparently CJ says we have to give some well wishes for his wedding? What the hell is that? I thought we were Tough Guy Digest, not Wuss Loser Weekly. Fine …

I’m happy that Mike found someone that can truly understand him. I’m happy that Mike found someone that can pick him up when he’s down. I’m happy that Mike found a person that makes his life worth living. But since he and I can’t be together all the time, I’m glad his wife can step in on a more permanent basis.

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CJ: Speaking of, I’ll just say congrats to the future Mrs. Mike on locking down the only man who watches “Die Hard” and thinks it’s about deterring women from joining the work force. Here’s to many happy years together!

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“This is what happens when you leave the kitchen sweetie.”

Kevin: Very touching, both of you. I’ll just conclude by letting Mike know this post counts as all of our wedding presents. You’re welcome buddy!

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Actually this may have been a more painful wedding to watch than the one in “Dynasty.”

2 thoughts on “TGD Hopes Fellow Tough Guy Mike’s Upcoming Nuptials are Full of Love and Free of “Dynasty”-Style Bloodshed

  1. You fellas are way too kind. It almost makes me feel kinda bad for placing Anthony and Kev’s table in the nose bleed section! CJ, you’re sharing a seat with my grandma.

    Can we talk about that “Dynasty” clip though? What the hell was going on there? Did they have the actual Pope doing their wedding? Did you see his fucking hat!? I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in the pre-invasion meeting the Moldavian had. “Okay, so Team A, you shimmy up to the roof and wait for the shooting to break out then you repel down through the plate glass windows and kill anyone who’s left. Got it? I see we have a question from Hassan… as usual. Yes Hassan?”
    “Well, sir, I was just wondering if it wouldn’t be smarter for us to just wait outside and take down anyone who happens to escape. That JR is one slippery fucker and he might elude us if we don’t have a team out there.”
    “SHUT THE FUCK UP! This is the plan. End of story! Now look the wedding starts in 18 hours, so you boys get up on that hot roof and just wait, okay. Jesus!”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: The Tough Guy Challenge: Can Kevin Watch “Blade Runner” in One Sitting Without Falling Asleep? | Tough Guy Digest

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