“Geostorm” Update! New Trailer Puts Gerard Butler into Space, Gives Kevin and CJ a Reason to Live

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Yeah that’s an impressive storm I guess, but is it a “Geostorm”? 

Kevin: It’s no secret we’ve been counting the days until the release of disaster flick “Geostorm” ever since we read the official synopsis (“As a man heads into space to prevent climate-controlling satellites from creating a storm of epic proportions, his brother discovers a plot to assassinate the president”), while the initial footage only whetted our appetites further. But while the moody teaser was composed almost entirely of big-budget disaster shots, the latest trailer focuses on the film’s biggest selling point as far as we are concerned: watching TGD fave Gerard Butler save the world while looking like he’s still recovering from a weekend-long bender.

The trailer starts on the right note, with Gerard telling off some pencil-necked, taxpayer-funded bureaucrat played by Richard Schiff. Apparently Gerard is also both a scientist and an astronaut, and this combined with the fact that Sean Bean played a NASA mission director in “The Martian” indicates that America’s space program welcomes anyone who obviously enjoys a cocktail or 17, especially if they are Scottish or Irish. Forget about not throwing up on the “Vomit Comet,” I bet Gerard’s character would have no problem drinking the finest brandy and seducing the cheapest women while in zero gravity.

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We also have President Andy Garcia confidently saying that “We can control the weather.” For one thing, there is no way such hubris will not be punished in a movie like this. For another thing, damn that’s a pretty bold promise to stake your political career on. Considering how much George H.W. Bush was crucified for going back on his “No new taxes” pledge, I’d think Garcia’s advisers would probably want to soften it to “We can possibly control aspects of the weather, but if this whole thing goes haywire and destroys most of the planet don’t blame it all on me. Also don’t forget that I lowered the capital gains tax from 34% to 31%; that was pretty great right?”

My biggest beef so far is that it looks like Gerard spends most of his time in space, which gives him less of an opportunity to stab people in the head. So I guess we can rule out my hope of this being a stealth “Olympus Has Fallen” sequel, although at least one more of those is still in our future. Hopefully he’ll get to bust out some sarcastic insults to anyone down at Mission Control who dares doubt whatever crazy scheme he comes up with to save the world.

Also it appears Ed Harris is in this. So he’s the bad guy right? Like are they even gonna pretend otherwise? And apparently some twerpy British guy can access and control this planet-destroying satellite system through his iPhone? I feel better already.

So after getting another glimpse at “Geostorm” CJ, do you think we’ll be seeing it opening weekend, opening night, or kidnapping a projectionist and breaking into the Alamo Drafthouse to watch it a few days earlier?

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CJ: I’m willing to commit several violent crimes to see this thing early. Violent AND inventive crimes.

This trailer has a much lighter tone than the teaser, no doubt. What I’m most excited about is that this new trailer reveals that they are banking on two of Gerard Butler’s strongest skills: an American accent and comedic timing in an America accent.

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Like that time he was playing for keeps, in the movie of the same name?

When Schiff complains about Butler being late, he replies with, “I literally had to fly in from outer space.” In most trailers I would roll my eyes, but in this one I smiled and thought “Eat that you stupid bureaucratic!” while pumping my fist in the air to no one. I look forward to the scene where we learn Butler decides to bone Schiff’s wife as payback for making him look bad. Weather Lesson #1: Embarrass Gerard Butler and he goes through your old lady like a tornado in Kansas.

Something struck me about this trailer though that I think speaks well of our man Butler. Re-watch that trailer with most other actors and it looks like a giant piece of shit right? Think “The Day After Tomorrow” or “2012.” But you put Butler in it and the potential for this movie skyrockets. I mean, I fully expect Butler to take off his helmet in space, catch speeding debris, and, I don’t know, write his name across the face of the moon. Very few actors out there have that kind of charisma where their mere presence adds about 75% to any movie. Think about it:

“Titanic” – Sure, okay I guess.

“Titanic, starring Gerard Butler” – Not only does the boat not sink, Gerry shaves off some ice to make some crowd-pleasing cocktails. Eventually the boat docks in New York and all the women are pregnant.

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“I give new definition to the term Love Boat.”

As for Butler spending a lot of time in space, maybe that’s not the best use for him. But this does present a possibility where Gerry rides back to Earth on top of a rocket. In fact, it could then lead to a second scene at the end where Schiff tries to embarrass him again, and that cheeky Butler responds with “Sorry I’m late, I literally saved the whole planet, y’all! Oh also take your wife to the doctor because she most likely has Hep-C.”

Either way we’ll see in October.

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