Kevin: The word “hero” isn’t used lightly in this country. Actually I take that back, it’s used incredibly lightly; Lena Dunham is probably called a hero an average of 30,000 times whenever she posts a selfie of herself in a one-piece. But I don’t think any other word in the dictionary could do justice to Austin resident Brandon Vezmar, who has taken the war against rude movie theater patrons to another level.
Having a nice night at the movies ruined by even just one person who has never heard of the Golden Rule is something we can all relate to. Loud talkers, texters, and screaming kids are just a few of the potential annoyances we face when walking up to the ticket booth.
Most people just deal with it by seething in silence, although the other members of the TGD staff will attest that my reaction can range from politely asking someone to keep their voice down to going full Sam Kinison on them. However, I’ve never considered legal action, but that’s why I’m not a heroic trailblazer like Vezmar.
According to the Austin American-Statesman, Vezmar is suing a woman for $17.31, the cost of his 3D ticket for a recent screening of “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.” While Vezmar should have been caught up in the magic of seeing Star-Lord and crew back on the silver screen, as well as Sylvester Stallone and Michael Rooker sharing a scene for the first time since “Cliffhanger,” instead he was subjected to a woman using her phone “at least 10-20 times in 15 minutes to read and send text messages.”
Oh yeah, did I mention that the woman he is suing was also his date for the evening? Holy shit, I love this guy!
Apparently Vezmar met the defendant online and took her to the movie for their first date. When he politely asked her to stop texting or at least continue outside the theater, she allegedly took off in her car and left him at the multiplex. The article doesn’t say how he got home (and maybe I’m old fashioned, but I find it odd that she was the one picking him up), but either way I’m sure he’d agree that staying home and masturbating with sandpaper would have been a more pleasurable option that evening.
Now while that’s Vezmar’s version of events, here is the unnamed woman’s defense of her behavior in the theater:
“I had my phone low and I wasn’t bothering anybody,” she said. She was texting a friend, who was having a fight with her boyfriend, she said. “It wasn’t like constant texting.”
Well ma’am, on behalf of the people around you trying to enjoy the movie, let me say this: FUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU! You may think you were not bothering anybody, but that’s because you are probably a complete narcissist. Also I’m sure your friend fights with her boyfriend twice a day, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were having their current spat in the middle of another movie as well.
While the actual damages sought are small, Vezmar’s petition states that such disruptive behavior at the cinema is “a threat to civilized society.” Damn right! No matter how the case shakes out, Brandon Vezmar is our kind of moviegoer, and we support his fight for those of us who want to enjoy a night at the movies in peace every step of the way. And since a couple of the TGD staff reside in Austin, we’ll gladly go to see “Alien: Covenant” at the Alamo Drafthouse with you this weekend Brandon. And we’ll even pick you up if you still need a ride! (CJ: I’d buy his ticket.)